Things a 14 year old boy cannot do...
Close a door
Open a blind
Switch off a light
Take bowl from arm of couch
Find the dishwasher
Put empty Tayto bag in bin
Pull toe out of sock
Have socks in drawer
Pick things up
Stay out of fridge
Wear a jacket
Bring dog for a walk
Things a 14 year old can do proficiently...
Sigh
Shrug
Grunt
Fart
Shuffle behind you
Quadratic equations
Eat mountains of toast
Eat earphone wires
Eat
Maintain monosyllabic conversation
Media stack
Spend hours messaging on Facebook
Explain floordrobe system
Grow taller, audibly
Switch moods faster than the speed of light
Be obnoxious
Be genuinely, hilariously funny
Current Top Ten most used utterances
‘Grand’
‘I dunno’
‘What’s for dinner’
‘There’s never anything to eat in this house’
‘Where's my....[insert any article of clothing/footwear or just any word here]’
‘Do I look alright?’
‘I need a fiver for a chicken roll’
‘What’s the point of learning Irish?’
‘Oh my God!!! Who ate all the biscuits?!!!’
‘For f.... sake’